Sickness or How I Beat The 24 Hour Plague!
Hey I didn’t write anything yesterday. There is a reason for it that I am about to explain. It all started on Wednesday night. Around 11PM I felt this scratchiness in the back of my throat and immediately I knew I was coming down with something. Now I hate being sick, it is the absolute worst. This isn’t to imply that anyone LIKES getting sick, unless that is your particular fetish (really? do such people exist?). Now, generally speaking, I don’t get sick that often. I run a perpetually over-productive nose but I always attributed that to just being Jewish. Seriously, I blow my nose way to often. So this scratchiness in my throat just wouldn’t do at all. I’ve had bouts with your average childhood diseases. You know the ones that every kid gets like chickenpox, tonsillitis and malaria. What you never contracted malaria? Remember kids, mosquitoes are the enemy. Still, I tend to be somewhat healthy most of the time. I also believe that the perfect remedy for all sickness is chicken soup. Yes, I know it is quite the stereotype for a Jew to recommend chicken soup but I’ve yet to see it not work. I prefer mine with garlic and a dash of hot sauce, perfect for clearing up clogged nasal passages.
The scratchiness in my throat was mild at first. Nothing to be openly alarmed about, I just figured a good-night’s sleep would do the trick and I’d be fine. I shuffled off to bed around 3AM and had a fitful sleep. I maybe got anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour of sleep once every 90 minutes. I initially woke-up at 7:45AM, the scratchiness had developed into a full blown sore throat and now I was really clogged up in my nose. Add to that a headache and general achyness all over my body and there was no doubt I was sick. I hauled my ass out of bed, went to the bathroom and did my business. I then trudged back to my room and proceeded to pass-out for 2 more hours. At 9:45AM I managed to drag my carcass to the shower. Usually a hot shower is the cure for most morning ailments, I figured at the least, the steam from the shower would clear up my horrendously clogged nose. I soaked in that shower for a good 20 minutes, just letting that hot water loosen up my achy body and letting that all so wonderful steam do its magic on my airways.
I stepped out of the shower and was instantly shivering. I never shiver after a shower. This wasn’t me being slightly ill, this was me being full-on sick. I grabbed my towel and dried off and then went to my room to get dressed. Usually after getting dressed my first order of business is to check my email and correspondence. This a process that usually takes anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes. I was shivering so bad that all I did was clear-out my email before stumbling to the Sofa of Perpetual Comfort. Now the sofa alone was not going to cut the mustard since I was still shivering. I reached for the nearest blanket and kept myself bundled. I ran over my symptoms in my clogged little head. Achy, nose clogged, headache and sore throat were my symptoms which meant there was only one logical explanation as to what was happening to me. I was dying. Now I’m no doctor, but I hadn’t felt this miserable since I was at least in my 20s or thereabouts. I curled up in my blanket on the sofa and turned on the TV. Do you have any idea what is on TV at 10:15AM on a weekday? Fuck all is what! There is nothing worthwhile on Television during the day in the middle of the week. Thank God for my DVR!
Back in February I had recorded the entire 3rd series of Being Human off of BBC America. I had watched the first 3 episodes but hadn’t gotten around to watching the rest. Well now was as good a time as any to get caught up. I made it through 1 episode before completely passing out. I blinked myself awake around 2PM with my stomach growling at me. I hadn’t had anything to eat since about 8PM the previous night. I made myself a bowl of cereal and put tea in the kettle to boil. On top of being Jewish and believing in the curative power of chicken soup, I was also raised by my mother who just happened to be British and thus taught me the restorative powers of a good cup of tea. My usual tea of preference is Earl Grey, it is strong and flavorful and can usually ease the sorest of sore throats. As my luck would have it, there was no Earl Grey in the house so I settled for some Peppermint Tea instead. Now brewing tea is an art, do not let anyone tell you differently. I do not understand the point of filling a kettle with water and then setting the burner to High Heat. Yes you get tea out of that method but all the nuance of flavor for the tea is lost. No, I BREW my tea. I fill my kettle with water and use 2 tea bags. I then slow brew it over medium heat so the flavor of the tea is gradually released into the water. It takes more time to prepare but the flavor you get from the tea is tremendous.
So now with tea and cereal in hand I returned to the living room and returned to watching Being Human. I also hopped online for a bit and checked emails and chatted briefly with some friends. 3 hours, 2 cups of tea and 1 bowl of cereal later and I was not feeling any better. All I had besides home curatives was a bottle of Advil and that wasn’t going to be much help. I shot a quick text off to Breann asking if she could do me a favor. I knew she was at work and wouldn’t be able to reply for awhile. At 5:26PM I shot a text to my friend Cindi and let her know that I was, in fact, dying. Cindi assured me that I wasn’t dying and that I should just have a bowl of soup and lie down. She also pointed out to me that whenever she is sick I give her the EXACT same advice. Needless to say I wasn’t very happy with Cindi for doubting my claims of oncoming death. I crawled under my blanket on the sofa again and passed out until 8:30PM. I had decided that I was NOT going to doze off again for the rest of the evening until I actually would go to bed in my own room.
I sat up, still under the blanket, and watched some Television. At 8:46PM I started coughing violently. I felt something in the back of my throat come loose so I ran to the bathroom and hocked up the nastiest green and red batch of phlegm I’ve ever seen. It is never good when a Jew coughs up Christmas colors. The catch here though was that right after that bit of nastiness was expelled from my system, my sore throat had miraculously vanished. Apparently I was on the mend. I was also feeling a tad peckish so I went to the kitchen and decided to heat up some French fries in the oven. In the past, it never mattered how sick I was, I could always still eat and finish what was put in front of me. Well once the fries were out of the oven and on my plate I ate maybe 1/4 of what I prepared and couldn’t eat another bite. This just further proved how sick I was because if I can’t eat then there is something seriously wrong with me. I continued watching the Television and conversing with Cindi via text. At 10PM I called Breann but got no response. 3 minutes later Breann returned my call and I asked her for the favor of some Orange Juice. Given that Breann is the kindest, gentlest soul in the known Universe (save from those times when she will haul off and smack me for no good reason) she not only agreed to bring me some OJ but also said she would bring me BOTH DayQuil and NyQuil.
Things were looking better. I deduced it had been about 24 hours since I had contracted this plague and more importantly, I had upgraded my status from “Dying” to “Not Dying As Much”. Breann showed up at my door around 11:15PM with the Orange Juice and over the counter goodies I required. I promised her that I would bake a big batch of Peanut butter/Chocolate chip cookies at my earliest possible convenience just for her. Of course that made her very happy since my cooking usually makes her smile (not to pat myself on the back or anything but I am a good cook and halfway decent baker). It was the least I could do for her since she went out of her way to help me and all. Breann departed and I went back to the living room. I hopped online for a few minutes and then crawled under the blanket on the sofa again. I was still getting the chills but my shivering would come and go. I watched a few episodes of Family Guy and then found myself slowly drifting off to sleep again. So with that I trudged off to my room and went to sleep. I woke up this morning at 10AM feeling much better. I poured myself a glass of Orange Juice and followed that with a DayQuil chaser.
So there you have it, the reason I didn’t write anything yesterday. So far today has been fine. I can breather freely, have no phlegm build-up and there is nary an ache in body that wasn’t there from before I had fallen ill. 24 hours of illness is the absolute pits because it hits so extremely hard and fast. Compare that with the flu which is drawn out and has its peaks and valleys. A 24 hour bug is designed to hit you hard and fast and royally fuck you up. I’m playing it safe today though, as along with the DayQuil and OJ I’m also drinking my tea and noshing lightly on rye toast. I’m not sure what my stomach can handle today but I’m pretty sure the worst of it is past. I got many “Feel Better” wishes from my friends and I want to thank you all for the well wishes. It is good to know that when I am dying, people care. As for the present, it is good to know that I am not dying… FOR NOW~!