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An Open Letter To Barack Hussein Obama, President Of The United States Of America

So Not Where You Think This Is Going...

Dear Mr. President,

Look you’re a busy guy. I accept that. I mean you’ve got this whole “Universal Healthcare” thing going on and you’ve got the rest of that agenda you’re trying to push through Congress and all but I’ve got something I need to discuss with you. You need to flex some of that political muscle you’ve got as President of the United States to get the common people a poet laureate we can identify with. Now don’t get me wrong, The Library of Congress has done a bang up job of selecting the Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry but is to much to ask for someone that can rhyme well?

Seriously Mr. President, Kay Ryan is great and all but we need a Poet Laureate for the common man. A Poet Laureate that we all grew up reading since we were tykes. Dammit Mr. President, you need to select an American icon whose craftsmanship as a writer is unmatched and, more importantly, equally as well loved. You need someone who has contributed to the American Mythology so to speak. Mr. President, I think you know who the person I speak of is and you should be ashamed for not recommending them for the post sooner!

Stan Lee should be The Poet Laureate of the United States.

Hell Mr. President, you’re an ex-comic book nerd, you should be more than familiar with Smilin’ Stan’s work. I mean honestly, nothing screams “Common Man” more than the guy who gave us such modern American classics as “This Man, This Monster” and “Brother Take My Hand“? Even better is that he is an American icon and I bet you more than 90% of Americans born after 1960 know who the hell he is. I mean no disrespect to Kay Ryan Mr. President. I even bothered to read 2 of her poems before drafting this letter, but Stan has been consistently writing since the 1940s. Hell he even served his country as a “playwright” and only 9 other men in the United States Army have held that title so, let’s face it, he is in pretty elite company right?

Kay Ryan - Current Poet Laureate Of The United States

Now before you start asking the question of “Well who are the other 8 Army Playwrights?”, I’m going to cut you off. It doesn’t matter who the other 8 Army Playwrights were because one of the “Immortal 9” is Stan Lee. Stan Lee, the man who has helped millions of people learn to read more than any parent is willing to admit or give credit to. I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing on this damn blog, beseeching The President Of The United States to make Stan Lee, Poet Laureate of The United States if I had not picked up a comic book featuring characters that Mr. Lee helped to create. Comic books made me want to learn to rad, Stan Lee created characters for comic books ergo Stan Lee amde want to learn to read. It is simple and easy to figure out and you don’t need a flow chart.

Let me put it another Mr. President… When you were a kid, didn’t reading a comic book fire your imagination? Didn’t it make you believe anything i possible in this crazy world and not all of it is bad? That is reason why Stan Lee NEEDS to be our Poet Laureate. He adds fires our imaginations and makes believe in the impossible. I mean when you think about it, isn’t that part of what led to this country in the first place? Making the impossible… possible?

Look Mr. President, I know Spider-Man and The Hulk aren’t real, that The Fantastic Four, as cool as they are, are works of fiction. I’m not stupid. But everyone character I just named? Stan Lee helped bring them to life!

Let us look at this from another perspective shall we?

Go to Wikipedia Mr. President. I’m sure the American people will cut you some slack for surfing the web at work. Now, look at the list of United States Poet Laureates. Now, ask yourself this question out loud “What percentage of the American public actually knows who these people are?”. I bet the answer is less than 10%. The majority of the people who do know are most likely English Professors/English Lit/American Lit students. Now, compare that to how many Americans know who Stan Lee is. Not only will the big brained American/English Lit types know who he is but they would be hard pressed to say he hasn’t had a significant impact on American Culture as a whole, if not the world culture as well.

We have to narrow a view of what poetry is and the truly ironic thing is, poetry is such a broad form of writing. That which Stan Lee has written, not all of it is great, most of it is good. That means at his worst he is mediocre. But come on Mr. President, you know as well as I do that when he is on, Stan Lee is one of the grandest storytellers to ever walk these United States. His work spans decades, he has written for more genres than you can imagine and he has been a man that has broken boundaries to speak against that which is taboo. Racism? He tackled that. Drug Abuse? He wrote about that and broke barriers in the comics industry while doing it. Stan Lee IS America! He is American as it gets!

Stan Lee - Totally Should Be Poet Laureate Of The United States!

Hell Mr. President, even if you can’t get Healthcare passed Congress, I bet if you matched up the Hill right now and told the House and Senate “I’m making Stan Lee Poet Laureate of The United States” you’d get one of 2 reactions. The first reaction would be every Senators and House Rep shrugging their shoulders and saying “Yeah we can get behind that”. Now that is a pretty great response right? I mean what politician in his right mind is going to get up in front of the President of The United States and say “Stan Lee? Poet Laureate? FUCK YOU!”. Sure someone called you a liar during your little speech on Healthcare. Do you really think Joe Wilson hates Stan Lee too?

I mean what are the odds that he hates you and Stan Lee?

I’d say pretty fucking slim!

The second response is the one, that while unlikely, would be totally balls out awesome Mr. President. The second response sees all of Congress give you a standing ovation for making Stan Lee Poet Laureate. Both Democrats and Republicans would swarm you and you lift upon their muscular politican shoulders and start chanting “FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!”. Really, either response is pretty great. In one scenario you make an announcement that everyone, with the possible exception of Joe Wilson, can pretty much agree on and the second even Rush Limbaugh ends up voting for you in 2012. Either way, Stan Lee ends up Poet Laureate of The United States and we all win.

You want to be a winner don’t you sir?

Then make Stan Lee Poet Laureate Of The United States!

The only people you’ll be pissing off are people who read DC!

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One thought on “An Open Letter To Barack Hussein Obama, President Of The United States Of America

  1. Angel Eyes on said:

    James, you are truly wonderful, but next time tell us what you think

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