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Veekly V-ing! Episode 4

Shit happened!
Erica Edwards Saved The Day… For The Visitors!
Tyler Tried To Score With Tour Guide Lisa!
Dale Woke up!
Ryan Finally Meets The Rest Of The Cast!
Anna Is Tour Guide Lisa’s Mother!
Tour Guide Lisa Is Anna’s Daughter!
Its Like An Episode Of Soap With Humanoid Lizards!
Except Soap was supposed to be funny!

That's Not Turkey You're Eating...

What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving weekend than to recap this week’s last episode of V for the year?

This week we get the ironically named “It’s Only The Beginning”. Ironcially named since this is, in fact, the last new episode until March. This was ABCs plan from the start for the show, since they knew that come February it was going to get crushed in the ratings by NBCs coverage of The Winter Olympics. For those who have forgotten, The Winter Olympics is the one that has Ice Hockey, the only thing they have in the Winter Games that I actually care about. The Summer Games have so much I want to see but most of it never gets televised. I maintain that the reason Ryoko Tani failed to win another Gold Medal in Judo in ’08 and had to settle for the frigggin’ Bronze was because I did not get to see her compete and she figured “If James can’t watch, why bother?”. I realize that there is little to no logic in that last sentence but I really don’t care. More importantly, it has nothing to do with this week’s episode of V

We are opening this week Georgie shot, Erica Edwards checking on him and Ryan holding a gun on Erica. Hooray for things starting In Media Res, it totally doesn’t make things confusing. Of course we then get a messagethat this all happened 14 hours previous. We flashback to the meeting of Father Jack, Erica Edwards, Georgie and Ryan. To say that Erica Edwards has trust issues regarding let people into her new little Fifth Column movement is pbvious. Sadly, this really isn’t Erica Edwards Fifth Column. She presses our man Ryan for answers about why he knows so much about the Visitors. Ryan dodges questions in a not so deft manner yet still keeps his big secret intact (Reminder: Ryan is a Visitor, that is the big secret). Everyone leaes the meeting and Georgie isn’t cool with Ryan not letting everyone know his deal. Ryan is like “Whatever Broham, She don’t need to know nothin’ bout Big R”.

We skip to the New York Mothership as Marcus fills in Anna about the death of psycho undercover Visitor Dale Maddux, who was killed by The Fifth Column in the last episode. Anna is a little peeved at this. She questions Joshua, head of the medical unit and one of her top aides. She wants the entier nedical staff interrogted. Joshua is a little on edge about this, since he secretly in the Fifth Column AND wad was the guy that killed Dale. I must state my displeasure of offing Dale becasue he could’ve been a great foil for Erica Edwards. That and I like Alan Tudyk, he who played Dale. Alas, Dale is dead, so no more Alan Tudyk acting like a psycho which means we, as viewers, all lose. As for Joshua, he gets sage advice from his assistant and fellow Fifth Columnist David, that fleeing the ship before he gets found out might be a good idea. David is wise for one so young. Bet ya he dies before the end of the episode!

Anna goes from this to talking with Action News at 6 anchorman Chad Decker. Anna unveils the Visitor’s first step in Health Care for everyone is… Vitamin Booster shots! Apparently the Visitors look down upon Flinstones Chewables. Chad is doing a puff piece on the Visitor’s Health Clinics. Chad is going ot regret this trip later. Trust me. As for Erica Edwards, sheis trying to dig up some info on Ryan via the FBI database, too bad for her Ryan has got a clean record. Then Dipshit, or as he is known in the human tongue Tyler Edwards, shows up wanting to talk to his mom in order to let her know that the girl in her black lacet scivvies from lst episode, is in dact, a Visitor. Of course Mom is a work-a-holic and kind of disregards Tyler. Well… I can’t really say that, as she gets a phone call from Ryan. Thanks to Anna’s little TV appearance, Ryan now knows how the Visitors are going to make the population just a bit more flavorful for Thanksgiving this year. Occupied with the phone call, Tyler gets annoyed and goes to meet Tour Guide Lisa. Of course Lisa and her mom are watching the whole thing via the nifty Visitor Lapel Camera on Tyler’s Amabassador Program Jacket. You kids can get one too with 10 proofs of purchase from the back of Visitor Longpig Flavored Cereal! As for Tyler, Anna tells daughter dearest it is time to bring Tyler up to the Mothership.

Reason Number 1 Why I Watch This Show...

Using the FBI database (gosh that is useful app, I need to get me that for the laptop I’m gonna buy) Ryan has Erica Edwards look-up Visitor Sleeper Agents. They find one Peter Combs, a Visitor scientist, who actually isn’t as dead as all the other Sleeper agents. Ryan and Erica decide to tail him. Georgie isn’t so much with that plan and is determined to expose the Lizard menace to the world. This leads to the scene that opened the episode. Seems Georgie was going to go through with his version of the plan. Turns out that Combs fought back leading to Georgie shooting him but not before Combs shot him in the gut. Erica Edwards checks on Georgie and then turns to see Ryan drawing a firearm on her. Then Ryan blasts a reviving Combs in the shoulder. Erica Edwards tends to Georgie as Father Jack brings the car around. Ryan tries to interrogate Combs. Combs basically lets Ryan know that “I ain’t gonna tell you shit Traitor” and then swallows a Visitor Suicide Pill. Clever little Sleeper Agents all carry one and it does a bang-up job at covering their tracks as it incinerates theenteir body in seconds, leaving nothing but ash. Erica Edwards overheard Combs call Ryan “Traitor” and thus deduces that Ryan is in fact… A VISITOR!

[GASP]

Back to Tyler, as he visits his shrink. Funny how this was never mentioned in any of the previous 3 episodes huh? Why look at that, turns out his shrink is Valerie, Ryan’s fiancee. This where I’m putting my foot down dammit! There is coincedence and there is just plain bad writing. The question is… which is this? I’m leaning toward the latter because it is just too fucking convenient. Anyway, Valerie is suffering from these headaches and these lapses of being poorly written. She thinks it might be the medication she takes for her heart, which I also don’t recall ever being mentioned before. Tyler offers to get Valerie into a Visitor Health Clinic ASAP, such is the power of The First Course… er.. I mean The Chosen One!

Meanwhile Action 6 News Team Anchor Chad Decker continues his puff piece on Visitor Medical Science. He even gets a pain free Health Scan. They also test him for “Suculence” and “Moistness” while he’s there. Again, Chad is so going to regret doing this story. Say what is going on the New York Mothership with Joshua and that investigation into Dale’s murder?

All Part Of The Evil Aliens Master Plan...

I’ll tell you what is going on… Anna has assembled the medical staff and told them what the deal is. Since known has admitted to being in the Fifth Column, then somone is going ot have to be killed anyway to set an example to the other ships. Forget the fact that Joshua is standing there the whole time looking insanely guilty. Lucky for him David steps up and confesses He also throws in a “Long Live The Fifth Column” for good measure. Well this just pleases Anna no end and decides that David is to be skinned alive. Even better, his mentor Joshua gets to do it himself. Anna then meets with Tyler and Lisa. If Tyler is like anyother teenaged boy he is thinking “Hot Mom + Hot Daughter = Hot Time For Tyler!”. Anna engages Tyler in conversation and they talk about his motorcycle. She says that based on that she is going to show him something special… I’ll be honest with you folks… I was convinced that she was going to give Tyler the keys to Street Hawk. If that had happened I would’ve been so fuckin’ jazzed. Sadly all she shows him is the engine room of the New York Mothership. Ooooo… look… alien technology! Seriously people, if you want to impress me with your alien technology, blow my mind and go low-tech. Point: We know that the Visitors have a higher level technology than us so showing us the “SUPER HIGHTECH ENGINE ROOM” doesn’t impress me. Far more impressive would be a Warp drive generated by a billion hamsters on a billion hamster wheels. Even better is to have the whole thing powered by Bob Denver using 2 coconuts. THAT IS THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX PEOPLE!

As for the Fifth Column… using info they got from Combs briefcase. they determine that the Vitamin Booster shot is at a wharehouse set-up my a Visitor dummy corporation. Thus the trifecta of stupid (Erica Edwards, Ryan and Father Jack) sneak-in and discover that the Visitors aren’t using the Vitamin Booster to infect humanity, they’ve been doing that for decades… WITH FLU SHOTS! Yup, Lewis Black was right, you can’t trust that shit! Ryan uses the Visitor security system to blow the place to Visitor Hell (just like with regular Hell, unless you are a Jewish Visitor, which means that you don’t believe in Hell or Raptor Jesus). We also get to see Father Jack kick some ass, turns out he was a an army Chaplain in Gulf War I.

Hey remember when Cyrus was talking about getting reconnected last episode?

We learn just what he was talking about, as Anna transmits her signal of love and hope to all Visitors across the globe. This is done so no other visitors doubt the veracity of their mission. Of course the mission isn’t quite defined yet, though I’m still banking a Very Visitor Thanksgiving doesn’t bode well for humanity. We then get momentsof tenderness this epilogue, as Valerie reveals to Ryan that she is preganant. Hooray, they are going to redo evil lizard baby!So I was wrong on who was getting preggers (I called it on Lisa). As for Father Jack, he gets a visitor to his church… hey its that dude he jacked in the face at the warehouse. Well he has a nice knife to the gut for our favorite Padre.

Did You Really Think I Was Watching This Show For The Writing?

As Anna finishes up her little speech of love to her invading horde, we are treated to a pull away shot. Now when I say pull away, I mean PULL AWAY as we go into deep space and see a huge fucking FLEET of Visitor Motherships. I mean like hundreds up on hundres. Its like when The Drule Empire teamed up with King Zarkon to make the Fleet Of Doom. It was a fleet so huge that they needed 2 Voltrons to beat it. Well, we regular humans have not the technology for Voltron, so we’re basically fucked…

Oh and we also learn that Chad Decker has a brain tumor that only good old Visitor technology was able to spot. Good thing he was doing that puff piece huh?

Now that was a great reveal…. I mean we aren’t getting new episodes until March so they need some big teaser to get us to comeback after the Olympics are over and unless Morena Baccarin is competing in the figure skating competition the new V is going to die a very slow death in its one season of televison. I really don’t see how it can make it to season 2 with its ratings dropping like a stone every week. So weird to say that when you think how this was the highest rated new show of he season huh?

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