On Frustration…No… Not Quite…
Frustration plagued me on Thurday morning. In case you couldn’t tell by my lack of spellcheck or actually editing, the articles that get put up on Brave Blog are usually written betwen 8:30am and 11am. I never have have any idea about what I’ll write unless I’ve just watched the episode of V or got my comics in the mail. Thus a lot of what gets published on WordPress by me is very seat of my pants. This is why Thursday was so fucking frustrating. I had woken-up at 8am and done my morning routine of using the toilet, taking a shower and then getting dressed. I usually don’t leave for work until 1:30 in he afternoon, thus I have plenty of time to write.
I pretty much wrote from the moment I sat at the computer at 8:34 am until about 10:45am. Another half an hour gets tacked on to pull-up whatever pictures and links will get inserted in the article. I honestly can no longer remember what was written on Thursday. It didn’t involve comics I know that much for sure. It may have been about movies because I do remember there was a running joke through the whole thing involving Orson Welles. I was inserting the last of my links for the article when the computer seized-up on me. A Complete Freeze. I was a little more than livid. I am not as physically active as I should be, thus I rely on ‘mental exersize’ a lot more. Writing a rant/article for Brave Blog is my morning mental exersize. Banging out between 1000-3000 a day is the perfect way to get my brain active for the day ahead. Gettting my thoughts down about shit that matters to me has become a means to prevent my day from starting off really shitty. It isn’t the only reason I write but I’m not ready to discuss that reason with everyone just yet.
This computer freeze forced a reboot of the system and I lost everything I had just written. Yes, I’m well aware I should’ve been saving my progress as I went along but I was a victim of my own hubris. By this I mean, when I have written with something I REALLY like, I will pat myself on the back a bit too much and forget simple things, like saving my work. Now I also lose myself as I write as I keep wrapped up the more I go. Once I latch onto a topic to write about, I’ll take it to its end. The thing is, since I never know what I am going to write about when I sit down, I will start on something and then about 2 paragraphs in realize that “I really don’t want write about this”. Thus I delete my work, since I don’t really like what I’ve got so far, and start fresh. Very few entries on this blog have been the first thing that comes into my head in the morning. Last week’s little history lesson Frederic Werthamis an example of me having started on 2 other ropics before I started talking about Wertham and The Comics Code Authorirty. The strange thing is, I didn’t even realize I had been writing about them until I was about 800 words deep into the article.
I truly believe anyone who writes loses themself while writing and has those moments when they suddenyl realize “Wow… did I really just write this?”. I’m not saying this happens to just ‘Good’ writers. I really believe it happens to all writers and people who sit down to write. I am much more of the latter and less of the former. I am not a writer, strictly speaking, I am schmuck with a blog. The fact that people are finding themselves checking this blog out by accident is cool. The fact that some of you actually find yourselves coming back is even cooler because it means I’ve at least piqued your interest in some fashion. The things I write about are not for everyone after all. I mean just because you stumbled over to Brave Blog because you wanted to read about Flash Gordon doesn’t mean that you are here to read about my ramblings about Robert E. Howard. Some of you are people I know and a lot of you are people I will never know. It is a little odd yet simultaneously pretty cool that there might be someone out there right now reading this, that I’ve never met, who might get a good laugh from It’s A Marxist Conspiracy Charlie Brown or sit and think about the history of comics in America based on “Frederic Wertham Was A Douchebag aka Hooray For The Comics Code Authority!”.
There are somethings I choose not to write about and that is completely intentional. I will not write about Professional Wrestling, no matter how much I love it. I do this because there are better places to read about and discuss it here. Besides, talking about comics, my gaming group and anime is enough nerdery for one blog wouldn’t you say?
Amazingly, even though I write my thoughts and post them on the World Wide Web for all to see, I somehow maintain that I am a private person and in so statingthis, will rarely, ifever discuss my personal life on here. Besides, my life is kinda dull and I’m pretty sure none of you want to herar about it. I’ll tell you what I read and who I game with. Those aren’t personal matters, those are literary and social ones. That having been said, I will never use this blog to talk about if I’m depressed or suffering in some way because that isn’t why you’ve come here. You come here because you want to hear me talk about how awesome Stan Lee is and why I love comics. You may come here to read some ridiculous rant about the Frenchor some such and don’t want a downer rant. You’ve got your own depressing bullshit to deal with so why read about mine?
I will also avoid talking politics for the most part. I view myself as a liberal or the record but I am not, by any means some tree-hugging hippy. I am not a Libertarian that is really a Republican but won’t fess-up. I hate douchebags like that, for the record. Those people really aren’t Libertarians and really don’t understand what that term means. I believe one’s politics are one’s own business. Now you are more than welcome to talk about such things with me but I also reserve the right to rebutt what your saying whether I agree with you or not. I just will not do it here. I also reserve the right to walk away from a conversation if you are just to damn thick-headed and accept that my opinion is just that, MY OPINION! Besides, I’m so utterly disgusted with modern US politics that I could just beat Winnie The Pooh to death! Politics is the art of compromise. Partisnaship has ruined American Politics and made it into this ugly, brutal monster that we would be best served by throwing out the Republic and installing TRUE Democracy. If history has taught us anything it is a Republic is one of the MOST corrupt forms of Government to ever be devised. Now that I’ve written this, I fully expect to have a bright, new FBI file on me to have been opened. This is why I will not talk politics here.
So I guess you people that are sticking around are just going to have to del with me talking about comics, movies, TV and naime. I know it is a terrible cross to bear and I ask that you bear it with me becasue I seriously refuse to bear it alone. This is mainly due to my bad back and my belief that most things in our world of perpetual pop culture are truly awful these days. I remain a cunic critic (and MASTER of Alliteration) who never really looks forward to anything anymore because believing in George Lucas has taught me better. Let me put it this way to you… I’d rather be wrong and pleasantly surprised by something than be right and miserable or excited for something and then left dissatisifed.
So my little attempt to talk about “Frustration” has resulted in a talk about what to expect and not expect from yours truly. See what I mean about getting lost in what I write? shit, I don’t even… remember… what was I talking about again? Was I talking about Stan Lee again?