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Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs! Thar She Blows! ‘Tis “The Glorianna”…


Keeping Cereal Crunhcy Yet The Ladies Soggy...

I’ve ranted here about Grill Ninja’s quest for the Mechanical Monkey in my Orienatl Adventures game before. Of course, this makes me kind of a hypocrite. I mean it isn’t like I’ve been the perfect Player Character in any of his games. I mean, the list of my charactes that have been made just to make it through Ninja’s infamous “Hartwood” campaign total four and that includes some of the worst named characters known to a table full of dice slingers!

Let us starts with Plumaira Frelanthalas, or better known as the psychotic lesbian rogue Plum Freepurse (aka Plum Freemason). Things were not helped by me playing this female elf as a rampaging bitch that was always getting the party in trouble. By the third game session I was playing Plum, at least half of the party was planning her wretched demise. Hell I don’t even remember how she died, but I know the reason why she died involved no one being able/willing to give her a healing potion/cast cure light wounds on her. The problem was from there I had already lined up Plum’s rather eccentric family.

Plum was the daughter of Akanthas Frelanthalas, otherwise known as Acorn Freesong, a bard who had this nasty habit of getting elves and humans “In A Family Way”. Acorn would then vanish for 4 years, ususally on some crazy adventure just in tim to take the child away from its mother and take it he/she/it to be reared by Great-Granny Frelanthalas. It ws here that Plum was raised with her twin sister Peachinanara (Peach Freetree) and Peerianna (Pear FreeSheild). Plum and Pear were big old bullies who mercilessly beat on Peach. But Peach had the gift to commune with nature and thus was trained by Great-Granny Frelanthalas in the ways or the druid. Plum ran away at the age 16 to find adventure and Pear, without her twin to get her in trouble, found some form of redemtpion for being a big brute and bully by becoming a Paladin in the service of Kalamor (one of the God’s in Ninja’s game world).

This was just backstory mind you. I had a whole family tree for the Frelanthalas clan mapped out, including Acorn’s Brother Pinalialrain Frelanthlas (Pincecomb Freeshadow, World’s Greatest Assasain) and Huniniriara Frelanthalas (Honey Freebush). I had something like 20 members of the family all set to go with backstories and goofy nicknames when Ninja finally said no more. Thus a great line of insanity and fun was put to an end.

That isn’t to say I didn’t have other crazy off the wall characters in mind. Like Brick Porterhouse, He-man Bard/Barbarian of the plains or Tobalonias Cuttobbanchia (Tobias Cutbranch), utterly British Elven Weapon Master. It was my sick need to play these bizarre little characters that led Ninja to plot his revenge upon yours truly with the Mechanical Monkey in Oriental Advetnures. I fully admit that I deserve the agony he plans to unload upon me (though I’ve got a few tricks that he won’t expect).

But now we are palying in Ninja’s little game world for a little bit. His new Steampunk/Magic realm/fantasy mash-up and already I’ve made my most favorite character since I made Sanchez Santiago Domingo Sanchez (Vampire Killer)! Yes, I’ve given imaginative birth to Estrellita Marina, Elven Scourge Of The High Seas… well that is… if she ever gets her own boat… or, you know, learns to actually sail. See This character has always dreamt of going to sea, yet has never even so much as gotten close to it. Thus I’ve made her an over the top elven bucaneer with delusions of grandeur and absolutely no inner monolgue!


Not Exactly How I Envision The Star Of The Sea...

That’s right friends, if Estrellita thinks it, she says it. Already such gems such as “What could ever be that infernal sound that makes my elven ears ring so?” and “Seven blazes child! Whatever can you be in such a rush to walk into me so?” have been spouted. Even better, in Ninja’s game world Elves have the ability to extend their Glamour beyond their appearance and make others see things though the power of the Glamour itself. Thus 2 members her “Crew” have been found, by making them see the freedom of the high seas upon her enchanted galleon “The Glorianna”. Forget the fact that she doesn’t have the ship, it is the dream of “The Glorianna” that leads to people following her. Armed with her Elven longsword (The Blade Of Veils) and a bandoleer of derringer pistols, I’m pretty sure it will be impossible for me not to love playing this character. Hell, she just got her first boat, as she and her “Crew” stole a small fishing boat and have dubbed it “The Twinkle”. Yes my friends, adventure and piracy await those of you that will follow ‘The Star Of The Sea’ on her jounreys.

By God, I think I already love her more than any character I’ve ever made. More than Rhombus Remus The Geometric Paladin! More than Merisol Whisperspeech, The Lowtalking Mercenary! More then even Sir Buttons, The World’s Greatest Comedian/Bard/Fighter! Yes my friends, I do believe that Estrellita Marina will be the greatest character I’ve ever devised. I’ve really made it seem like she can do anything in the game so far and she is only level 1 (well, level 2 now) which means her legend will only become greater as the game goes on. With her stalwart shipmates Harriet Jacobs (First Mate ex-slave/textlie worker) and Dave Tacnomagi (Quartermaster/Machinesmith) there is nothing she can’t do! Soon she’ll have a bigger crew who will follow her to hell and back, all for the gold and plunder they can carry. Her standard of a black skull with ruby teeth and emeralds for eyes will strike fear in the hearts of sea-goers everywhere!

So Long Live Ninja’s New Game World & Long Live The Dream Of “The Glorianna”! Fuck, I even wrote a totally cheese-tastic poem in honor of my new best character ever and her dream! Because if you can’t do really geeky stupid things with yourPlayer Character, what the fuck are you playing Role-Playing Games for?

My Dream
by Captain Estrellita Marina

I regret for I have never been to sea,
For it is there I know I will be truly free.
Sea Salt scents with wind in my hair,
The sea brings out these feelings I want to share.
With this thought, I’ll gather a motlry band,
Together we’ll sail to many a far off land.
We’ll find a ship to escape this city,
With a crew full of joy, yet lacking pity.
We’ll drink all night and play pirate all day,
For my crew and I that is the only way.
For I’d rather die in a a watery grave,
Then placed in earth the mud or some cave.
So my ship to me is akin to sweet manna,
So Join up and sail with me on ‘The Glorianna’


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One thought on “Avast Ye Scurvy Dogs! Thar She Blows! ‘Tis “The Glorianna”…

  1. I can’t believe I’m still reading this far back. Granted, I’ve skimmed a few but this one caught my attention and made me laugh. I haven’t table gamed in more years than this girl wants to say but I’ve had an active EQ2 account for again more years than I want to say and this sounds like me.

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