POW! Bi-Weekly Comics Review 01/11/2010

After taking some time off to recharge my creative battery, I return to the wonderful world of Blogging and what better way than to give you 3 weeks worth of comic book reviews?

Good For What Ails Ya!

This week we have 8 titles spanning 6 different comic book publishers. The breakdown comes out to 2 from DC, 2 from Vertigo, 1 from Marvel, 1 from Oni, 1 from Dynamite and 1 from Dark Horse. As is my usual custom I’ll start off by thanking Heavy Ink for shipping my comics and the United States Postal Service for delivering them. Now these weren’t the only books a I bought and read over the last month off. I took a dive into the world The Boys by purchasing the first 3 volumes on Amazon. I also have to give a big shout out to my buddy Grill Ninja for lending me volumes 1-9 of The Goon, which was pretty much a revelation to me as to just how awesome that particuliar title actually is. Also big props to my romm mate Drew, I’m able to keep on top of the DC Blackest Night shenanigans thansk to his monthly subscriptions to Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps. With all the necessary thanks out of the way let us now dive into this weeks pile shall we?

Wonder Woman #39

Gail Simone finishes her current major story arc by wrapping up Diana’s struggle with Alkyone AND ending the subplot with Zeus that had been building since Simone took over the book over 2 years ago. That my friends is some seriously well laid out storytelling. Simone can officially be called one of only 3 writers to ever write Wonder Woman in a compelling and entertaining way. Given that she is joining the ranks of George Perez and Greg Rucka, that is saying quite a bit about Simone’s ability to make me care about Princess Diana, something I didn’t think would happen after the awful Jodi Picoult relaunch following Infinite Crisis. Fuck spoilers, you should know that after all the shit the Princess of Themiscyra has been through for the last 2 years she once again stands victorious as the champion of love and peace in the DC Universe. Really, how can anyone not love this book right now?

Stumptown #2

Stumptown #2 is finally out? Fuck it seems like forever ago that issue one hit the stands. I mean looking in my own archives, I reviewed the first issue back in November. Fuck, that almost seems like an eternity. Still, at least the second issue came out and it was just as riveting as the first one. The mystery deepens as Dexedrine Parios continues on her missing persons case. More palyers get introduced not the least of which is Dex’s cop buddy Tracy Hoffman. Remeber when in my review for issue one I compared Stumptown ot The Rockford Files? Well if Dex Parios is Jim Rockford then Tracy Hoffman must be her version of Dennis Becker. Ifyou don’t know who Dennis Becker is then serisouly… go watch a few episode of The Rockford Files, Dennis is bound to show up and he is likely to be just as annoyed with Jim as Tracy is with Dex. Greg Rucka is crafting a pretty fine mystery here if you ask me and the only compaint I have is that each issue leaves me wanting more… but isn’t that just how a good writer proves he is good writer? By leaving you wanting more? FUCK RIGHT!

The Icredible Hercules #139

Assault On New Olympus continues in Big Herc’s book this month and for a book that is one giant fight scene, it sure does pack in a fuckton of dialogue. We watch as The Mighty Avengers brawl with Hera’s Olympians and poor Amadeus Cho deals with trying to prevent Thanatos, the Greek God of Death, from entering the fray. We get more great tried and true Spider-Man dialogue written by Greg Pak and Fred Van Lente. Of course this issue ends on one helluva a cliffhanger which really gives you the vibe that our heroes just might be royally screwed!

Cinderella - From Fabletown With Love #3

Cindy and Aladdin continue to delve int othe mystery of just who is selling the magics of Fablekind to the Mundane highest bidder . Humor, ation and even a dash of sex get thrown into the mix. This book has been fun and the reveal at the end of just who is behind all this kind of threw me off. Also, things do not bode well for Crispin back at The Glass Slipper as poor Rapunzel buys herself a new pair of running shoes. Read that last sentence again and you might just see why that is a bad thing in the world of Fables.

Look at that, nearly half done already. I was expecting this to take much longer otwrite due to my 3 weeks of not writing longer than my signature. I guess 3 weeks of letting my brain slag-off really pays off…

Blackest Night #6

As Blackest Night rolls on, I ask myself “Self, is this really that great a story?”. Honestly… I don’t know anymore. I don’t know where Geoff Johns got the idea that Aquaman’s wife can hold her own against the Princess of Themiscyra but it is just absolutely ludicrous. That’s like Aquaman fighting the Hulk for fuck sake! Anyway the new Corps of The Emotional Spectrum gets unveiled… TWICE! At least we get to see Ray Palmer in pseudo-Sword Of The Atom gear again. What? I liked Sword Of The Atom! Fuck, I was hoping we’d get teeny-tiny little undead yellow skinned savages tormenting Ray. Instead we have to deal with Jean Loring’s crazy ass again. Which sounds better… Undead Eclipso tormenting Ray or undead teeny-tinys attacking Ray, forcing him to take up his mighty blade once more? If you said undead Eclipso then you are dead to me…

Madame Xanadu #18

Matt Wagner just can’t seem ot leave the subject of King Arthur alone. Okay, since I started reading Madame Xanadu with issue 17, apparently there is a ton of stuff I missed. Namely, Madame Xanadu is Nimue from Camelot. Weird since everyone who has ever drawn her before this current series has always drawn her to look Asian or at least a little Romany. That explains why Morgan Le Fey showed up at the end of last issue. So we are getting a an arch-nemesis for our favorite Tarot Reader/Occult Investigator. That’s pretty cool. However this rivalry doesn’t get off to a good start for Madame X as Morgan trashes her house in Manhattan and leaves buried under some rubble. I imagine we will getthe classic homage to Amazing Spider-Man #33… just minus the “Aunt May is depending on me…” schtick… though I could be wrong and before you know it Madame X is doing it for Aunt May. Not THAT Aunt May. Just some other Aunt May. Hey that brings up an interesting question… Matt Wagner has never done anything for Marvel has he? Weird…

Conan The Cimmerian #17

I’m pretty sure I’m done with Conan The Cimmerian after this story ends. Conan in comic form doesn’t measure up to the theater of the mind’s eye when actually reading Howard’s original stories. I know that is an unfair thing to say, given that Howard was a once in a century kind of writer, who had his life cut short by his own hand and thus denying us his true potential. Still, I’m pretty sure Conan The Cimmerian is gone from my pull list. Unless Dark Horse stuns me with something like Barry Windsor-Smith doing an arc and I just don’t see that one happening.

Queen Sonya #3

Finally Queen Sonja picks up as Sonya and her new crew take the war to Emora. How is it that Red Sonja is a better read than this month’s Conan? I mean last month Conan was the better read but that had Conan going hand to hand with a velociraptor. This month? Red Sonja leads a slave revolt and many bastards of Emora are slain. Maybe the advantage of all this is that Robert E. Howard DIDN’T create Red Sonja, he created Red Sonya of Rogatino, a completely different character. Maybe it is the gact that there is nothing to compare between the two that allows me to enjoy this month’s Queen Sonja better than I do Conan in his current comic book incarnation. Maybe I should just pick-up those Savage Sword of Conan reprints Dark Horse has been releasing instead…

There you have ti my friends, 8 titles and for the most part all were fun reads. Maybe my malaise with Conan will evaporate in the next issue. I mean shit did hit the fan at the end of the last issue and when shit hits the fan in Conan that usually means a large body count. I guess we’ll find out in 2 weeks as Conan The Cimmerian #18 will be in my grubby hands along with the Conan one-shot Weight Of The Crown. Assault On New Olympus reaches its penultimate issue with The Incredible Hercules #140 and hopefully The Mighty Avengers can pull a win out of their asses in that one. We also get to see the ongoing courtship of Power Girl by intergalactic stud Vartox in Power Girl #8, which hopefully is as much fun as the last issue was. We’ll then wrap it all up with Fables 92, where Geppetto may or may not get his ass handed to him by a very vengeful Blue Fairy.

POW! Bi-Weekly Comics Review! 12/20/2009!

Never shall I besmirch the name of The United States Postal Service for despite the miserable weather they still delivered unto me… MY COMICS!

This week is a notoriously small list of titles. We have 1 DC, 1 Vertigo, 1 Marvel and… look at this Kodansha has reprinted Akira for all the world to enjoy. Well, Tis the season as they say. As always I’d like to thank Heavy Ink for getting my books to me and once big props to the U.S. Postal Service, who came through despite all the crazy weather. Let’s jump in with our pick of the Bi-Weekly shipping period shall we?

Power Girl 7

Hey look! It’s Vartox, an ex-Superman pseudo-baddie who just oozes late 60s/all of the 70s machismo all over the DC Universe. Well lo and behold, our most Connery-in-Zardoz-esque baddie determines that he must mate with our girl Kara Zor-l, or as we like to call her… POWER GIRL! See Vartox of Valeron is awesome because he is such an out there character, who basically got rolled out once in awhile during the Silver Age to play up his he-man status and try to get it on with Lois Lane and basically call Superman a pussy, or as close to calling Superman a pussy as the Comics Code Authority would allow. Vartox is awesome, this must be accepted as fact. I mean just look at the cover to Power Girl #7. As if he wasn’t Connery in Zardoz enough already, the fact that his spaceship is basically a giant floating head just seals the deal. Why does this have anything at all to do with Zardoz? Simple, the plot of Zardoz is basically this… Sean Connery runs around bare-chested and hairy in somthing that is almost but not quite a banana-hammock for 105 minutes of your life that you will never get back. Somewhere in there is a story about… something… and a giant floating head in space and… something else. Look, Vartox is essentially Zed from Zardoz. So you basically get Sean Connery trying, rather ineptly, to seduce Power Girl. This is why God invented comics people!

The Incredible Hercules: Assault On New Olympus One-Shot

Hey look, it’s The Incredible Hercules: Assault On New Olympus one-shot that was supposed to be out 2 weeks ago. Too bad I already read Incredible Hercules #138 and already know where the story goes from here. Still, it doesn’t mean it isn’t worth reading. Basically, since Amadeus Cho and the Goddess Athena discovered Hera’s crazy plot involving the Olympus Group, they realize that only one dense piece of Marvel Universe muscle is going to be able to put Hera and her band of Olympians in their place. Of course that is Hercules, but he has other things on his mind… like asking the question “Why is that nerdy kid kissing my wife?”. Hold on there Herc, that isn’t just any nerd… that’s Peter Parker and that means we get a fun-filled little Herc v. Spidey throw-down. Vartox v. Power Girl? Herc v. Spidey? It’s like fight week here at POW… maybe in my new issue of Fables Princess Ozma will challenge Geppetto to a steel cage match…

Fables 91

Yeah no such luck kids, sorry. Where as Power Girl and the Incredible Hercules Special are about the glorious art of comic book smackdowns (and in Spidey’s case, smack-talk), the new Fables plays out more like Donahue back in the 80s. See Phil Donahue would invite guests on, have both sides of the argument present their case and then Phil would actually rebut both sides if they were talking out of their asses. Donahue was daytime talk for sophists. This month in Fables, we get to see Geppetto play politics amongst the Fablekind, as he proposes to lead that he should lead the magic council in order to defeat Master Dark. Well that is all very good and all but in case anyone forgot, Geppetto is a fear monger, much closer to a Mussolini than a Hitler mind you but evil is evil. Luckily, little Princess Ozma steps in to challenge Geppetto’s mad play for power by calling in a very specific and POWERFUL magical force who has a HUGE beef with the little old puppet maker. Also Generals Bufkin and Frankenstein’s battle with Baba Yaga reaches its climax! Still that is secondary to what is about to happen to Geppetto because The Blue Fairy is back and she is ROYALLY PISSED~!

AKIRA Volume 1 - Kodansha Edition

I’ve now read Akira in a collected format from 3 different publishers. First was the old EPIC imprint from Marvel. EPIC digitally colored Akira back in its initial release and actually did an incredible job of it. Finding those single issues of Akira isn’t easy and probably would cost an arm and a leg today. Hell, even finding those collected volumes of the single issues probably would be a pain in the posterior since there was a pretty low print run on those. Dark Horse released Akira in 2001 or so and they did a great job of it. Now Akira’s original Japanese publisher, Kodansha is re-re-releasing it and you know what? Akira just might be the greatest manga I’ve ever read. There aren’t a lot of modern manga that hold up to it too well. I mean most manga these days is very disposable and doesn’t have much depth. Akira has so much depth that I was just a few pages into it and felt like I needed scuba gear. Add to this Writer/Artist Katsuhiro Otomo being one hell of a draftsman, his images leap out at you and every emotion you want to hit you comes across the way you want it to. That and Otomo’s art-style is pretty much Anti-Manga, since most of his influences came from Europe (well all the influences not named Osamu Tezuka that is). I can rave about Akira all I want, that doesn’t mean you will go out and read it. Fuck that, go out and read it anyway. Go see and read one of the greatest works of science fiction of the last 100 years. Go in with a closed mind as to what you perceive manga and comics and in general to be. I can almost guarantee that when you come out, you will look at Akira as something completely brilliant, so much so that it belongs in the same breath as Maus and Sandman as a work that rises above the genre that spawned it!

Well this week was light, well kinda, what with Akira Vol. 1 being 350+ pages and all. Next installment will only feature 4 books as well, though nothing quite as epic in length as Akira. Hey look at that, Assault On New Olympus continues in 2 weeks in The Incredible Hercules #139. Nekron continues to rise and leave people asking “Who the hell is Nekron?” in Blackest Night #6. Madame Xanadu #18 continues to look into the swinging Satanists in the 1960s and its title character just might run into a certain green-skinned guy that shouldn’t be showing up in a Vertigo book. Last but not least, hopefully, in Wonder Woman #39, Princess Diana just might get her hands on the traitorous bald-bitch Alkyone, methinks we shall see the return of Donna Troy and Queen Hippolyta and one of those two will be showing up to make things worse for Diana.

I think the Bi-Weekly comics haul will get to decent sied proportions once the Holidays are over. But until then, fewer books means that I get to write POW! in less than 3000 words, so I ain’t complaining too much. Actually, I’m not complaining at all since I love to talk about comcis almost as much as I love to read them. So come back in 2 weeks time and revel in my adulation and love of comics. Come… Nerd-out with me then won’t you?

Veekly V… errr… FUCK! THERE IS NOTHING ON!

Torchwood: Children Of Earth - The Best Thing On TV All Year

What the hell am I supposed to do?

Tell me that?

They put V on for 4 weeks and now I have to sit through another season of Scrubs?

Scrubs seriously wore out its welcome with me 2 seasons ago. I mean you can only play the JD/Elliot card so many times before I just throw my hands up in the air out of pure and utter frustration. The thing that kills me most is that I used to adore Scrubs but then it went into syndication and suddenly it was on ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I mean as much as 8 times a day. 8 TIMES A DAY! No one should have to sit through that much Zach Braff in a 24 hour period.

At least 30 Rock is consistently funny. Tina Fey and company really do put out a killer show that I want to watch, which is more than I can say for the rest of the NBC Thursday Night “Must See TV” line-up. I like The Office just fine but would probably like it more if people would stop trying to convince me of how great it is. I mean Steve Carell genuinely funny, so that keeps me coming back… well that and the lovely Jenna Fisher. But after those 2 shows NBC just keeps piling on turd after turd. Park & Recreation is just… I want to say boring but then when I least expect it I laugh at least one thing during an episode, so maybe there is hope. We won’t even discuss Community.

I could run screaming into the warm loving arms of original TV programming on Cable but even the usually awesome Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia has been pretty middle of the road this season. Still funny mind you, just not as funny as the seasons before it. Hey speaking of shows on FX, my room mate thinks Nip/Tuck is compelling television. Just how is a superficial show about superficial characters compelling TV? I don’t know if this means that I’m out of touch or if he is just superficial. It might be a little bit of both but let’s just put the blame solely on him, it just makes my life easier.

If there is one new show that I actually liked this year, it had to be Bored To Death. I like Jason Schwartzman playing a neurotic New York Jew. A New York Jew novelist. A New York Jew novelist with writer’s block. A New York Jew novelist with writer’s block who decides to become an unlicensed PI after his girlfriend leaves him. It is a magnificent take on the PI show and it sseriously warrants you watching it. Be warned, if you don’t like subtle low-key humor then you will probably hate this show. If you don’t like Woody Allen then you just not even bother. You people who don’t get Woody Allen… I just pity you.

Bored To Death - Best NEW Show Of The Year

I tried watching Joss Whedon’s newest hot mess Dollhouse. Unlike Firefly this show totally deserved to be cancelled. Sorry kids, I shouldn’t be laughing through a show that is trying ot be serious. There might be the problem actally. Dollhouse suffered from everyone trying so hard ot be serious most of the time that it bordered on camp. This might just be the show that makes people that not everything that comes from Joss Whedon is brilliant but somehow I doubt it.

I’m not a hater of Whedon’s work, not by a longshot. I think the first 3 seasons of Buffy The Vampire Slayer make one of the best High School themed shows to ever air. I mean taking a theme of “High School Is Hell” and then taking that idea literally? That is just to much fun not to watch. But the problem is, once the show left its High School trappings, the theme became “Real Life Sucks!”. Buffy kind of blew its creative wad in Season 3 and then sufed on its post-coitus creativity for the next 4 seasons. Not that I didn’t enjoy them, but it just seems that, as far as storytelling went, there was just no way that topping season 3 was possible.

I don’t know, maybe the British have the right format for TV. Run shows as a short series for the purpose of tighter writing and storytelling purposes. Hell, even Doctor Who runs only 13 episodes a series and that is some of the best damn sci-fi put on since… what? Season 4 of Star Trek The Next Generation? Yeah… that sounds about right. Hell look at what Doctor Who’s spinoff Torchwood did. It sacrificed another 13 episode series to do a 5 part mini-series and the result was the BEST thing I watched all year not named, be it TV or movie, Coraline. Yes siree, Torchwood: Children Of Earth was thsat damn good and if you’ve been readin gthis blog for the last 2 months or so, you already know that I’ve stated this at least twice by now.

By sacrificing the 13 episode format for 5, Torchwood: Children Of Earth told a more focused, tighter story that made for compelling serial TV. Can you imagine how much better some shows with a serial format would be by extrapolating extraneous episodes (MOTHER FUCKIN’ ALITERATIN BITCHES!) that don’t directly affect the main story? Don’t give me bullshit like “But it hurts character development” because that is just such horseshit. I’d gladly get rid of every “Holo-suite Goes Crazy” episode from any Star Trek series in favor of tighter storytelling. This applies to Sci-Fi as well as regular Dramas with a serial format.

HBO is smart to give their shows 6-13 episodes a season. That way the shows cut through the bullshit and get right to heart of the matter, giving us better story and characterization. Let me put it like this… Do you really think that The Sopranos would be nearly as compelling if each season had been comprised of 22 episodes each season?

Look, Broadcast TV is a dying artform. Very few shows are actually worth my time, let alone yours these days. So why settle for crap TV with plodding story and characterization when a smaller episode count per season will result in better shows and then higher ratings? Why the networks haven’t adopted this approach sooner I’ll never know but it seems the only show that gets approached this way is Lost. Then again, Lost has a production budget of a Third World Country’s GNP, so limiting the production cost by doing shorter seasons makes sense there. Ah… but if it is about saving money, shorter seasons are the best option for production companies and networks. It would also mean that we’d get new shows year-round and not have to suffer through repeats all summer.

Serenity - Would It Have Been As Good If It Had Been A 22 Episode Second Season Of Firefly?

Wait… I just found the hole in my proposal… Cutting episode numbers in half won’t save money. It just means the same money gets spent on other, newer shows that go into production. Sweet Jewish Jesus! I just discovered how TV economics work! It all makes sense to me now! The problem is getting TV writers and creators to realize that wrting a show with long-term plans won’t payoff in today’s TV market. Let’s use Joss Whedon as an example again. Whedon tends write with longterm grand plans. This is evident in the majority of his TV work. But imagine if he condensed his ideas down. Imagine if a network said “Great concepot Joss, but condense this down so we can tell it in 5-10 episodes”. Imagine what a tight focused story Joss Whedon could tell! Well fuck you don’t need to imagine because he ended up doing that with Firefly and its spinoff movie Serenity. Firefly got the axe before its time but when you watch Serenity, you can kind of tell that the whole movie could’ve been expanded upon if Firefly itself had not been cancelled. But, would Serenity have been as tight or the character of The Operative as compelling for 13-22 episodes?

Makes you wonder don’t it?

An Open Letter To Barack Hussein Obama, President Of The United States Of America

So Not Where You Think This Is Going...

Dear Mr. President,

Look you’re a busy guy. I accept that. I mean you’ve got this whole “Universal Healthcare” thing going on and you’ve got the rest of that agenda you’re trying to push through Congress and all but I’ve got something I need to discuss with you. You need to flex some of that political muscle you’ve got as President of the United States to get the common people a poet laureate we can identify with. Now don’t get me wrong, The Library of Congress has done a bang up job of selecting the Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry but is to much to ask for someone that can rhyme well?

Seriously Mr. President, Kay Ryan is great and all but we need a Poet Laureate for the common man. A Poet Laureate that we all grew up reading since we were tykes. Dammit Mr. President, you need to select an American icon whose craftsmanship as a writer is unmatched and, more importantly, equally as well loved. You need someone who has contributed to the American Mythology so to speak. Mr. President, I think you know who the person I speak of is and you should be ashamed for not recommending them for the post sooner!

Stan Lee should be The Poet Laureate of the United States.

Hell Mr. President, you’re an ex-comic book nerd, you should be more than familiar with Smilin’ Stan’s work. I mean honestly, nothing screams “Common Man” more than the guy who gave us such modern American classics as “This Man, This Monster” and “Brother Take My Hand“? Even better is that he is an American icon and I bet you more than 90% of Americans born after 1960 know who the hell he is. I mean no disrespect to Kay Ryan Mr. President. I even bothered to read 2 of her poems before drafting this letter, but Stan has been consistently writing since the 1940s. Hell he even served his country as a “playwright” and only 9 other men in the United States Army have held that title so, let’s face it, he is in pretty elite company right?

Kay Ryan - Current Poet Laureate Of The United States

Now before you start asking the question of “Well who are the other 8 Army Playwrights?”, I’m going to cut you off. It doesn’t matter who the other 8 Army Playwrights were because one of the “Immortal 9″ is Stan Lee. Stan Lee, the man who has helped millions of people learn to read more than any parent is willing to admit or give credit to. I wouldn’t be sitting here, writing on this damn blog, beseeching The President Of The United States to make Stan Lee, Poet Laureate of The United States if I had not picked up a comic book featuring characters that Mr. Lee helped to create. Comic books made me want to learn to rad, Stan Lee created characters for comic books ergo Stan Lee amde want to learn to read. It is simple and easy to figure out and you don’t need a flow chart.

Let me put it another Mr. President… When you were a kid, didn’t reading a comic book fire your imagination? Didn’t it make you believe anything i possible in this crazy world and not all of it is bad? That is reason why Stan Lee NEEDS to be our Poet Laureate. He adds fires our imaginations and makes believe in the impossible. I mean when you think about it, isn’t that part of what led to this country in the first place? Making the impossible… possible?

Look Mr. President, I know Spider-Man and The Hulk aren’t real, that The Fantastic Four, as cool as they are, are works of fiction. I’m not stupid. But everyone character I just named? Stan Lee helped bring them to life!

Let us look at this from another perspective shall we?

Go to Wikipedia Mr. President. I’m sure the American people will cut you some slack for surfing the web at work. Now, look at the list of United States Poet Laureates. Now, ask yourself this question out loud “What percentage of the American public actually knows who these people are?”. I bet the answer is less than 10%. The majority of the people who do know are most likely English Professors/English Lit/American Lit students. Now, compare that to how many Americans know who Stan Lee is. Not only will the big brained American/English Lit types know who he is but they would be hard pressed to say he hasn’t had a significant impact on American Culture as a whole, if not the world culture as well.

We have to narrow a view of what poetry is and the truly ironic thing is, poetry is such a broad form of writing. That which Stan Lee has written, not all of it is great, most of it is good. That means at his worst he is mediocre. But come on Mr. President, you know as well as I do that when he is on, Stan Lee is one of the grandest storytellers to ever walk these United States. His work spans decades, he has written for more genres than you can imagine and he has been a man that has broken boundaries to speak against that which is taboo. Racism? He tackled that. Drug Abuse? He wrote about that and broke barriers in the comics industry while doing it. Stan Lee IS America! He is American as it gets!

Stan Lee - Totally Should Be Poet Laureate Of The United States!

Hell Mr. President, even if you can’t get Healthcare passed Congress, I bet if you matched up the Hill right now and told the House and Senate “I’m making Stan Lee Poet Laureate of The United States” you’d get one of 2 reactions. The first reaction would be every Senators and House Rep shrugging their shoulders and saying “Yeah we can get behind that”. Now that is a pretty great response right? I mean what politician in his right mind is going to get up in front of the President of The United States and say “Stan Lee? Poet Laureate? FUCK YOU!”. Sure someone called you a liar during your little speech on Healthcare. Do you really think Joe Wilson hates Stan Lee too?

I mean what are the odds that he hates you and Stan Lee?

I’d say pretty fucking slim!

The second response is the one, that while unlikely, would be totally balls out awesome Mr. President. The second response sees all of Congress give you a standing ovation for making Stan Lee Poet Laureate. Both Democrats and Republicans would swarm you and you lift upon their muscular politican shoulders and start chanting “FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!”. Really, either response is pretty great. In one scenario you make an announcement that everyone, with the possible exception of Joe Wilson, can pretty much agree on and the second even Rush Limbaugh ends up voting for you in 2012. Either way, Stan Lee ends up Poet Laureate of The United States and we all win.

You want to be a winner don’t you sir?

Then make Stan Lee Poet Laureate Of The United States!

The only people you’ll be pissing off are people who read DC!

How I Discovered Hokuto No Ken or Thanks Buncheman!

One Man Is Responsible For My Love Of Hokuto No Ken...

It has been my experience that sometimes the best things in life are discovered completely by accident. This especially holds true for me and a handful of anime shows that I’ve latched on to over the years.While I’ve previously discussed how my love of both Science Ninja Team Gatchaman and Space Battleship Yamato were very concentrated efforts to find their original source material, at least one of my favorite shows was discovered completely at random and I owe it to one man… Steve Bunche!

First allow me to regale you with the story of how young James, at the age of 19 became familiar with Hokuto No Ken, or as it is more commonly known as here in the United States, Fist Of The Northstar. I had been working at Marvel for awhile and had made a friend in one Steve Bunche. Now if there is one person I can point to and say “That guy there! He is the one that expanded my horizons!” it would be Steve Bunche. My friendship with Bunche initially got off to a rocky start due ot the fact I was the geeky kid from the mail room that wouldn’t leave the guys in the Marvel Bullpen alone. I think we broke the ice though because of a common interest. That interest was Gatchaman. I had just gotten my Holy Grail, the last 5 episodes of the original Science Ninja Team Gatchaman from my my then anime pimp Tom. I couldn’t have been more geeked about it. I had spent the day with the tape in my mail cart because I didn’t want the tape to be far away from me…. what? At that moment it was my most prized possession!

... This Guy! Steve Bunche!

I had been doing my rounds and had arrived at the Bullpen to drop off the mail. When not delivering comics to them, the Bullpen usually got the least amount of mail, on top of that the Bullpen was usually one my last stops on my rounds. Bunche had noticed the VHS tape in my mail cart and asked me what exactly was on it. I sheepishly told him it was episodes of Gatchaman and suddenly we had ourselves a conversation. He asked me if I had ever heard of Fist Of The Northstar and I shook my head and said “no”. He then tried explaining it ot me as best he could. His manner of explanation was giddy mixed with the liberal use of the word fuck or derivatives there of. “James, this guy fuckin’ punches this guy and there is fuckin blood everywhere! He fuckin’ explodes! You need to see this fuckin’ show’!”. Provided this isn’t exactly how it was explained to me, in fact my penchant for hyperbole might be clouding my recollection but once he described Fist Of The Northstar to me I knew that I had to see it.

So it went that I asked my anime pimp Tom if he had Fist Of The Northstar. Tom did indeed and the next time we traded comics for tapes I got the first 15 episodes of Hokuto No Ken… SUBTITLED NO LESS!

I went home and watched in awe. I was sucked in immediately. The earth was nuclear wasteland in 199X. Society has collapsed and the only things that matter are fresh food water and gasoline. Sweet fuck it was the plot to Mad Max! I loved Mad Max! Then there was this guy with these incredibly thick eyebrows doing some type of karate and making people explode by punching them… HOLY SHIT! How could I not love this show?

I went to workthe following Monday and told Bunche I had spent the weekend pretty much watching Hokuto no ken. Bunche was surprised but even more surprised when he heard that I had the show subbed in English. Needless to say he borrowed my tapes. He also began filling me in on some the major storylines. How this show was actually more than just about a guy who could make people explode by punching them. I began to delve int othe mythos and began catching on to some of th major themes of it, such as how it dealt with its cast of supporting characters as tragic figure and how the main villains were even pitiable and tragic in their own way. I began to see Hokuto No Ken’s main protagonist Kenshiro as sort of a Japanese version of Michael Moorcock’s Elric of Melbinone just minus the albinism. Kenshiro’s discipline of Hokuto Shinken (The Holy Fist Of The Great Bear or Divine Fist Of The Northstar) was a burden he had to bear just like Elric’s cursed sword Stormbringer was his. Both characters were cursed that any who crossedtheri paths, be they friend or foe either died or wanted nothing to do with them afterwards. Hell they even both have extremely depressing endings!

I spent the next 6 months getting tapes from Tom, pretty much getting all of Hokuto No Ken but never getting to Hokuto No Ken 2. By the time I was ready for Hokuto No Ken 2, I had lost my job at Matrvel and actually gotten back into College again. During breaks from school I’d return to NYC and would see Bunche now and again. I haven’t seen the him since… geez 1999? Has it been that long? I mean this is a guy that expanded my tastes not only as far anime goes but cinematically as well.

Who lent me his copies of Shaft and both Dolemite movies?
Bunche!
Who turned me on to the films of John Waters (with Pink Flamingos no less!)?
Bunche!
GWAR?
Bunche!
Sandman and the work of Neil Gaiman in general?
BUNCHE!
BUNCHE!
BUNCHE!

This article was originally going to be about me filling in you, the reader, about other anime I enjoy and instead it has morphed into me telling you about what an impact Steve Bunche has had on me. It isn’t like he taught me how to appreciate classical literature or how to cook. He just basically showed me there was more out there than what I actually realized. This wasn’t in just terms of anime or comics. This was in terms of everything. He made me realize that I had been living a rather sheltered life. The thing is, I don’t think that was his intention, he just wanted show me cool stuff. He did that in spades and in turn opened up my narrow little perception on a whole slew of subjects and interests.

So thank you Bunche! You are one of those unforgettable people that means a lot to me on more levels than you can ever realize. You befriending this nerd/geek meant and still means a lot to me even today. One of these days I’ll return to the City and I’ll consider myself blessed to hang out with you again. In simpler terms, we’ll get drunk. Yeah, he was the first one to take me out and get me drunk. Still… You are and will always be one of the best!

The Reuben – The Greatest Sandwich In All Creation!

The Reuben - The Greatest Thing EVER~!

Being both from New York and a Jew makes me quite fond of good deli food and sandwiches. This is a result of both upbringing and genetics obviously. New York City must have some kind of sliced meat/deli law that requires 50 of them to be packed in a 1 mile radius. You can’t spit in NYC and not hit a deli. Now this doesn’t have to be a Kosher deli. I’ve probably been served by more Greeks and Koreans than I have actual Jews when I was growing up. I mean no matter how you break it down Jews love a good deli and love a good deli sandwich even more. I mean what is a wedding, wake or Bris without a deli platter? In fact I’ve known people in my own family who have opted to skip special events and dinner parties based on the fact that their isn’t going to be a deli platter. I find it kind of funny, especially since there is always a Deli platter at every Bris I’ve ever attended.

Ah but my subject isn’t “Funny/Odd Things Jews Serve At Family Functions”. No, no, no we are here to praise that finest of sandwiches, loved the world over but especially by Jews from New York… The Reuben!

The Carnegie Deli Reuben!

A Reuben is my most favorite sandwich EVER! Corned beef piled high and topped with swiss cheese, sauerkraut and Thousand Island dressing between 2 pieces of rye bread? Fuck, I’d slap the president if I was promised a Reuben afterwards. Say where do they happen to make the best Reubens in the world perchance? Why in New York City of course! Take your pick between Katz’s, Carnegie and Second Avenue delis. They all have the Reuben on the menu and I always end up taking some of it home because their Reuben’s are like a Death Star composed of meat, kraut and cheese. Sweet fuck, if I return to New York City anytime soon I will probably go to Carnegie Deli first before I bother to let anyone I’m friends with know that I’m back and that includes my father. I know I’ll get a severe and grave stare from him when he sees me. The conversation will go something like this:

James: Hi Dad!
James Dad: Jamie! When did you get in?
James: Like 3 hours ago
James Dad: 3 hours? It’s only like 20 minutes to get to my office by subway. Why 3 hours?
James: Um… I went to Carnegie Deli first…
James Dad: [unamused, severe and grave stare] This is like that time [insert possibly traumatic event from my childhood that has nothing to do with what is going on] and this proves that you don’t care about your family!
James: [confused] Huh?

I’ve lived in Northwest Ohio for 15 years now and to date I’ve had some decent Rubens but only one truly great one. So stand up and pat yourself on the back Easy Street Cafe in Bowling Green, you just got the “Jew From New York” seal of approval for your Reuben. Now Easy Street has more than just a regular Reuben. They, my friends, have the 3D Reuben aka The Reuben of Death! What this is a triple-decker Reuben served like a club sandwich. This just might be the most perfect sandwich ever made not made in NYC. I mean, it is essentially a Reuben that can be used to club someone to death and that right there is frighteningly awesome.

See the problem out here in Northwest Ohio is, when you ask for Reuben, my experience is that they make the sandwich on Marble Rye. That loud thump you just heard was 200,000 Jews in Manhattan having strokes at their keyboards. You DO NOT make a Reuben with Marble Rye… EVER! A Reuben is a work of art dammit! It deserves the finest bread known to man and that bread my friends is hard Jewish Rye. Marble Rye? Seriously, what is wrong with you people in Ohio? Bad enough your pizza sucks but you have to ruin the Reuben as well? What the fuck have I ever done to any of you to be treated with such disrespect? Fuck… Marble Rye… just… just… FUCK!

I think the key to a Reuben lies in corned beef. You want that prefect cut of corned beef that hasn’t been overcooked less it be to rubbery. You also want it lean but not too lean. What does that mean exactly? No one but a Deli owner or butcher knows for sure. The corned beef has to be just right so you can bite into the meat cleanly and get the sour crunch of the kraut and and the tang of the cheese and Thousand Island dressing all at once. The kraut also can’t be too wet, in fact I am a firm believer in squeezing the kraut to wring the juice out first before putting it on the grill. Just because the kraut has been on the grill doesn’t mean it is dry enough to put on a sandwich. I mean who wants soggy toasted rye bread? Not this little black duck!

My love of the Reuben is eternal.True story time… When I was a lad at Boarding School, every now and then the kitchen staff would try to serve Reuben’s for lunch. These just might have been the WORST Reubens I’ve ever eaten. But you know what? I didn’t care because we wee getting Reubens! I may have been the only student at that school to be excited when Reubens showed up on the menu. I know the people at whatever table I was assigned to, dreaded it… well maybe not the other Jewish students, I mean there was only like 7 of us in the whole school if that!

I’ve conducted action figure trades at The Carnegie Deli while eating a Reuben. I’ve violated fasting on Yom Kippur so I could eat a Reuben. I bet you if Johnny Cash had been a Jew, he’d shoot a man in Reno just to watch him die and then he’d say “OY GEVALT! Someone get me a Reuben!”. Sadly Johnny would be somewhere in the deep South and would be unable to get a true, right and proper Reuben. Want to know why God rested on the 7th day after creating the Earth? Because he ordered a Reuben from Katz Deli! What? It’s Heaven mother fucker, you better believe The Almighty has Katz Deli to serve him up a 3 pound Reuben with Matzo Ball Soup! Who else is gonna make it for him? A Gentile?

Carnegie Reuben Part Deux -A Reuben So Huge It Demands A Sequel!

So in summation… The Reuben is a sandwich so grand in its… well… Grandness, that it can only be the greatest thing made in the history of man… EVER! Great Wall of China? Can’t compare, I mean it isn’t made with corned beef! Leaning Tower Of Pisa? Don’t make me laugh, my ancestors built the Pyramids, we’d never settle for a crooked building! Besides if the Italian’s tried to make a Reuben, somehow tomato sauce would get involved. Stonehenge? You really want to compare a bunch of rocks to the greatest sandwich, if not the greatest thing… IN THE UNIVERSE? Fuck the Seven Wonders Of The World I say! There is but one Wonder of The Entire Universe! It is made of corned beef, Swiss cheese and kraut piled high on HARD JEWISH RYE!

All hail the Reuben!

I Really F*#%ing Hate Drittz Do’urden!

I Really, REALLY Hate Drizzt!

Speaking as a person who reads Fantasy/Sword & Sorcery novels I’d like to state something that is going to be divisive amongst my core group of friends. I really hate reading anything featuring Drizzt Do’urden. I bring this point up because R.A. Salvatore is looking to inflict yet another trilogy of books featuring Drizzt as the main character. Now ignore the fact that the any books put out by TSR/Wizards Of The Coast/Hasbro, that aren’t game manuals, are some of the most generic and predictable fantasy fiction you’ll ever read because as boring and predictable as all those books are, any book featuring Drizzt is even more predictable.

I really can’t think of one novel series related to Dungeons & Dragons that isn’t utterly by the numbers in terms of plot and direction. Sorry kids, Dragonlance is schlock. Forgotten Realms is just as bad. There is nothing that happens in any Forgotten Realms book that I haven’t predicted happening after getting to about the fourth chapter of any given book. Fuck reading a Dungeons & Dragons Dungeon Master’s Guide is more thrilling than reading any fiction based on Dungeons & Dragons itself. It is always the same shit. Let me break it down:

1. Book features a party of adventurers that will have at least 1 magic user, 1 fighter, 1 thief and any other random character classes
2. For some reason there must be some type of Halfling involved in the party proper.
3. There is a dark force rising… ALWAYS!
4. Someone will betray the party. They don’t have to necessarily been in the party but 9 times out of 10 they are
5. By the end of whatever book you read, be it part of overreaching saga or a standalone, nothing really gets resolved.

OK I promise you of the 5 things listed above, at least 3 will occur during the course of your reading. Now the first thing is a given. You can’t have a TSR Fantasy Novel without a party of adventurers. Given that most of these books were started as actual gaming sessions a party is a must. The problem is every party always seems to be the same dull line-up. I’ve been playing Dungeons & Dragons some 20+ years and never have I played with such a generic line-up. Sure I’ve had to deal with player’s who will only play elven rangers or someone who always undermines the party in general and thus undermines the story being toled but every TSR book there is 1 Fighter, 1 Magic User and 1 Thief. Now sometimes this will be circumvented by dual-classing a character so your Fighter doubles as as your magic user. It doesn’t change a fucking thing. It is still the same fucking dynamic.

Drizzt Do’urden is a Ranger, so already he falls under the Fighter category. Even worse, as a Ranger he has access to small number of spells. See? SEE? Fighter/Magic User right there! Even worse, he is written as an unstoppable superman in every book. You can only read so many books with Drizzt before you realize “They are never going to kill this fucker”. By Book #2 in Drizzt first series, The Icewind Dale Trilogy, you’ve pretty much figured it out that as cool as most of the other characters might be, Drizzt is Mr. Showtime. I mean c’mon, a Dark Elf wielding 2 scimitars and a mystic panther? How can the Dwarven fighter, Human barbarian and Halfling thief ever hope to keep up?

I’ve fucking lost count as just how many books Drizzt is the star of but there has to be a limit as to how many times he can kill 400 orcs in one go. To make it even worse, he is a tragically Emo dark elf who is an outcast among his own people and live amongst humans, dwarves and halflings. That right there makes me hate the character even more. If Drizzt Do’urden were a character on Degrassi he’d be either the girl that cuts herself or the girl that has self-body issues and has made herself bulimic. I mean seriously, at the end of every Drizzt saga we are beaten with the sledgehammer reminder that Drizzt is a dark elf and thus will never be accepted or because he is a dark elf he will never know true love with the human he secretly wants to put the hard high one to.

Fuck it! I can live without TSR and all of their fiction. There are far more entertaining fantasy authors out there. Some of them are dead and their material is far superior to anything put out to modern fantasy. Do you really people would read Tolkien if it didn’t have some fucking depth to it? I wear my love of Robert E. Howard’s work on my fucking sleeve but it isn’t like I’m the only one as volumes have been written analyzing Howard’s writings and life. Sweet Jock Of Moses! Do you realize how many fantasy authors I haven’t read that probably have written at least one good book, if not more?

Cthulhu - Way Cooler Than Drizzt!

Hey all you gaming nerds! Put down the fucking latest book about Elminster and read some REAL Fantasy! I mean surely you know at least one person that has implored upon you to read some Michael Moorcock isn’t there? Hell I’d even say read the Sword Of Truth books by Terry Goodkind, even tough they are long… and generic… and kinda predictable… fuck it just keep reading the TSR books, they are on the same level as Goodkind. I mean obviously you don’t want to be challenged as a reader too much otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this fucking crap. I’m betting you sit there and play Call Of Cthulhu without even actually having read anything by H.P. Lovecraft. Except for you Jeff… I know better when it comes to you.

Actually that wouldn’t surprise me one fucking bit because I’m finding plenty of people love making references to Lovecraft and the Cthulhu mythos yet they haven’t even touched any of its creator’s actual writings. I mean don’t you find that a little fucking odd? I find that down right fucking disturbing personally. It is like saying you know everything about The Wizard of Oz without actually having read anything by L. Frank Baum. I know at least half of you are scratching your heads wondering who L. Frank Baum is right now and trust me, my disdain and downright contempt for you knows no bounds.

Do you really think the only stuff I read is comics and things that are gaming related?

So I beseech you, nerds across the world… just say no to novels from TSR/Wizards Of The Coast/Hasbro and go find something to read that is a bit more challenging. I mean you have some degree of intelligence and must be looking or something that will blow you away… am I right? C’mon you know I’m right! Put down your collected edition of the Cleric Quintet and find yourself a nice volume of something by Fritz Leiber. Trust me… I wouldn’t steer you wrong would I?

Well sure… there was the one time but you wouldn’t shut up about how awesome Drizzt Do’urden was, so I was totally justified in striking you about the face… you were obviously having some kind of seizure…

God I Love Kung-Fu Movies!

Bruce Lee - Man, Myth, Legend & Still King Of Kung-Fu Cinema!

I’ve expressed my love of of old school Kung-Fu films before on this little blog o’mine. Kung-Fu movies are one of those things that always manage to weather the test of time with me. Of all the film genres they have always held their appeal and aren’t tarnished by over sentimental memories like other movie genres or certain TV shows do. So many great movies that still hold their greatness with me like Fists Of The White Lotus, Dirty Ho, Crippled Avengers, Legendary Weapons of Cina and so many other films that I couldn’t even begin to name them all. Hell I couldn’t name them all even if I wanted to since I know there are many I actually missed. Look, I couldn’t always get home in time on Saturday afternoons to catch the Drive-In Movie.

My romance with Kung-Fu movies led to me discovering other things, like the films of Jackie Chan. It hipped to the awesomeness of Sonny Chiba and of course led to me watching the fuck of out of Infra-Man. When you break it down, I probably watched more Hong Kong cinema between the ages of 7-12 than I did anything that was mainstream from Hollywood. Unless it was Star Wars, I watched the fuck out of Star Wars. I think I can say with all honesty that Kung-Fu and martial arts movies are my favorite genre of cinema. Even a crappy Kung-Fu movie will bring a smile to my face simply because no matter how little plot there may be, eventually 2 guys are going to bust out and fight. What more could anyone want?

Drunken Master II - A Movie You NEED To See!

Hey, I like the new school Kung-Fu just fine, I mean even with the over-complicated stunt work and even CGI that gets put in these movies nowadays, in the end you are still going to have 2 guys that want to kick each other’s ass. I mean it isn’t rocket science to figure out a basic plot to a Kung-Fu film. You could probably make a flow-chart to break it down but why bother? I mean in the end you will get 2 guys wanting to kick each other’s asses. There is a noted exception to this, if it is a Jackie Chan movie then it becomes 1 guy (Jackie Chan) wanting to kick anywhere from 1-15 people’s ass. That’s just how Jackie rolls, actually Bruce Lee rolled that way as well though his body count in Enter The Dragon was a git higher. Check out the craziness that is Police Story if you want to know what I’m talking about.

Still, it is those movies from the 70s that stick with me the most. I think I’d rather watch The Chinatown Kid more than any other movie ever made. Even more than Star Wars or Raiders of The Lost Ark. That is saying something because Raiders of The Lost Ark is probably my most favorite movie… EVER! But there is a poetry in the violence of The Chinatown Kid. Maybe that is the beauty of martial arts in general, that they are violent yet have such amazing grace to their movements, even when the movements are over-dramatized in a choreographed fight. Maybe that is why I have such disdain for movies like The Matrix, the fight is almost too choreographed for me to sit there and say “This kicks ass”, because it doesn’t. There is no fire in the fight and that is so fucking important. Most 70s and early 80s Kung-Fu films are better than The Matrix films because everyone seems to dig deep and add soul and fire to a fight. Everything and everyone seems so detached and bored in The Matrix films that fights seem like over-choreographed slap-fights. There is no intensity and any filmed martial arts fight sequence MUST have intensity or else in loses all credibility.

Let me put in simple terms. Do you want to watch a fight scene between 2 guys that look like they’d rather e reading the collected works of Proust than fighting?

Of course you don’t, nobody does and that is why The Kid With The Golden Arm, The Chinatown Kid and even The Five Deadly Venoms are just 3 simple Kung-Fu movies that are better than The Matrix trilogy. You don’t need over elaborate CGI and millions upon millions of dollars to build a fake freeway. Ideally, you just need 2 guys, give them an issue to fight, spend the movie building to the fight and then guess what… THEY FIGHT! This isn’t fucking rocket science, it is simple storytelling and even the most complex Kung-Fu movie relies on simple storytelling. Watch any Jackie Chan movie that has been made in the last 25+ years, they are all simple stories that end with a big fight as the payoff. Hell, that right there is pretty much the whole set-up for EVERY Bruce Lee movie ever made. Even Enter The Dragon. Yes Bruce is recruited by MI6 to blah, blah blah, Mr. Han, blah, blah… Ohara raped my sister, blah, blah, blah… but when you get right down to it Bruce Lee is out to avenge his sister and right the wrong that was done to Shaolin. The MI6/British Intelligence angle isn’t the point. Bruce Lee kicking everyone’s ass… THAT IS THE POINT!

I’m not watching a Kung-Fu movie for a lesson in philosophy. I’m not watching a Kung-Fu movie to be wowed by special effects. I’m watching a Kung-Fu movie because I want to see Kung-Fu fighting with moves that are as fast as lightning. It can be a little bit frightening but it is done with expert timing. Fuck yeah I just paraphrased Carl Douglas’ “Kung-Fu Fighting” but every word is pretty much why I love Kung-Fu and martial arts movies. It doesn’t have to be just Kung-Fu after all. I love watching Japanese Karate movies and even the advent of the Thai action movie over the last few years, where Tony Jaa and Jeeja Yanin are doing just amazingly awesome things by adding Parkour and Muay Thai to the mix for more dramtic fights.

Don’t know what I’m talking about?

Go rent or buy a copy of Chocolate, one the most awesome of the new wave of martial arts films to come from Thailand. It stars the diminutive little can of whup-ass known as Jeeja Yanin. She will blow your mind with the fight scenes she pulls off. I’m already eagerly awaiting her new movie Raging Phoenix just to see what she’ll pull off next. I mean, any movie that promises me Drunken Boxing versus Drunken Muay-Thai has my interest peaked.

Jeeja Yanin - The Future Queen Of Action Cinema!

So let sum up today’s rant. Kung-Fu movies in general are awesome, especially those from the 70s and early 80s. Everyone should watch The Chinatown Kid and The Kid With The Golden Arm because… well honestly, they are just awesome fucking movies. If you think the fight choreography from The Matrix movies can’t be beat then you really need to be slapped around and forced to watch the ENTIRE Shaw Brothers catalog from the 70s and pretty much every movie Jackie Chan has made up to Drunken Master II. Remember that the key to a good fight scene is getting across emotion, even Bruce Lee knew that. Finally, don’t dismiss modern martial arts films as Hong Kong, Japan and now Thailand are making really crazy fight movies that will blow your mind and make you want to watch more. Overall remember this, Kung-Fu movies are awesome and are best when kept simple. The more complicated you make it, the less interested the people watching the film will be until… THE FIGHT BREAKS OUT!!

POW! Bi-Weekly Comics Review! 12/8/2009

Its been 2 weeks and an extra day of mail but dammit, MY COMICS FINALLY SHOWED UP!
That can only mean one thing here at Brave Blog…

This week we have a total of 8 books to review, spanning a total of 3 whole comic book publishers or 4 if Vertigo is a separate entity from DC, which given who shows up in Madame Xanadu this shipment slots it in the “No, DC definitely owns your ass” department. Once again I’d like to thank the fine men and women at http://www.HeavkInk.com for providing their excellent service as well as the United States Postal Service, who manage to keep my books in pretty spiffy condition. First book review is the Official Best Book Of The Bi-Weekly Reading Period!

Superman Secret Origin #3

Gary Frank is going to go down in history as one of the great Superman artists. It is that simple. Everything he has done when drawing the character is just incredible. From the awesome Christopher Reeves looking version of Clark Kent to the sheer earnest look on Jimmy Olsen’s face… this guy draws the heck out of Superman and his cast. His Lois Lane is pretty damn wicked as well, like a cross between Jennifer Connelly and Lauren Graham. Add to this Geoff Johns just killing on the writing and you know that this comic is king. This month, young Clark Kent leaves the safety of Smallville and ventures forth into the great big metropolis of… um… Metropolis! See a beaten down Perry White try to keep together the reputation of The Daily Planet as Lois Lane proves that not even a lack of press credentials will keep her out of Lex Luthor’s press conference. Of course Clark is along for the ride and this leads to the debut of… SUPERMAN! Or at least Clark in the suit while in Metropolis. Seeing a nervous Superman is pretty weird, but Clark being self-conscious about making his debut is so totally believable.Then there is the irony of him doubting whether or not revealing himself to the public is a wise move… This just might be the best Superman story since Superman For All Seasons. Yeah I said it, as great as Johns run on Big Blue has been going, Superman For All Seasons remains the last Superman story that I really adored. At this rate, Johns and Frank are about to add this mini-series to the list.

The Incredible Hercules #138

Let’s see… Crazy Goddess? Check! 7th smartest person in the world? Check! One Prince Of Power? Check? One massive throw-down between the Avengers and the monstrous forces of Hera? BIG CHECK! The Incredible Hercules delivers all this and more, as Herc leads a ragtag Avengers team against the Olympus Group, a company that the mad Goddess Hera has been running on earth. Why? Well to make “The Continuum”, a device that is going to set-off another round of creation in the Universe by recreating the BIG BANG, with only Hera and the Olympian Pantheon still standing. Good thing Hercules is here to stop that crazy bitch! If you want a big old school Marvel-style fight then this is the book for you! Sure it is to be continued next issue but the build-up to the fight is great and the dialog is crackerjack fun. Greg Pak should be writing Spider-Man, because his Spider-Man dialog feels like Spider-Man dialog. Rodney Buschemi and Gabriel Hardman team-up on art duty and they provide a fun breezy feel to the proceedings. Yeah, this is part 1 of 4 to the Assault On New Olympus story but if the rest is as much fun as this one was then count me in for the rest of it. I am beginning to understand why people are loving this book!

Cinderella, From Fabletown With Love #2

Last time, we left our girl Cinderella in a precarious predicament, as she was about to be stabbed in the back while undercover in Dubai. Cindy, along with her new cohort Aladdin, track down the black market Fable who is selling magical items to the mundies. Things do not go smooth from there. This issue was mainly about introducing the suave knave of Aladdin and also to remind us that Aladdin commanded 2 djinni, not just the one. There is also the matter of how Cindy’s shoestore is doing back in Fabletown with her gone. Let’s just say the elves are not amused…

Wonder Woman #38

I’m a Gail Simone fan and feel bad I haven’t kept up with her run on our favorite Amazon since that really bizarre story that featured all the forgotten DC fantasy characters. I’m coming in at the tail end of a major story arc here, yet I don’t find myself lost in this tale at all. Diana is a prisoner on Themiscyra after being bested by Achilles in combat. Now Alkyone, one of Queen Hippolyta’s devoted subjects, has been pulling the strings in order to remove Diana as ruler of the Amazons. Of course with the Wonder Woman under lock and key in jail, many of her sisters are plotting to overthrow Achilles and Alkyone. If you really think Donna Troy and Artemis are going to sit back and not take action then you best think again! If you think Achilles is happy that Alkyone is planning on executing Diana… think again! If you think Wonder Woman isn’t going to fight back… man this is good reading. Simone proves that she was the one who should’ve been writing Wonder Woman after Greg Rucka. To date there have been only 2 great writers for Wonder Woman (George Perez and Rucka). If Gail Simone can get me this involved at the tale end of a story then she just might become the third. You should be reading Wonder Woman!

Fables #90

Fables is one of those books that I’ve never gotten single issues of. I’ve always caught up via the collected volumes, so reading it in single issue form is new for me. The fact the Bill Willingham is using Ozma, the deposed Princess of Oz, as one of the main characters in this arc is pretty fucking cool. Having read the majority of the Oz books by Baum, I am really psyched to see actual characters from Oz and not the MGM interpretation. I mean we’ve already seen the Gnome King before so it is nice to see another Oz character take center stage. As for the story, Frau Totenkinder has left the Fabletown Magic Council, leaving Ozma to play magical politics and start her own regime. Meanwhile, the Fabletown treasury gets some much needed relief and Buffkin the Flying Monkey spwends some quality time fucking with Baba Yaga! Oh Fables, I do so love reading you!

Madame Xanadu #17

Wow! 3 Vertigo books this week, as I take my chances on reading Madame Xanadu. I never thought I’d be reading the adventures of an old DC 70s horror character that ended up as a supporting player in the old Spectre series from the 90s. This issue, in the swinging 60s Madame X looks into a group of middle class average folks, who just happen to be a big old cult of satanists. I swear, the first eight pages had me totally snowed, as it was implied that a different kind of couples gathering was going down. Anyway, Madame X observes and investigates and crosses paths with a certain detective that confirms that DC and Vertigo are most definitely connected. Of course, swingign Satanists aren’t the only thing Madame X has to worry about, as family comes a knockin’… I will read anything Mat Wagner writes. Matt Wagner writes Madame Xanadu, therefore I shall read Madame Xanadu. It doesn’t hurt that it is a decent little read and the art is pretty good. I shall continue with Madame Xanadu for the time being.

Queen Sonja #2

Red Sonja befriends a group of female Caucasian ninjas. Red Sonja and the white ninjas get captured. This was all apart of Red Sonja’s plan to find where the raiders from Emora are camping their troops. Red Sonja’s plan worked. For some reason, Red Sonja doesn’t kill someone in this comic. I am not pleased. Still, we get how the slavers/rapists from last issue (the ones that Red Sonja KILLED!) tie into all this. Not bad, not good. This pretty much screamed “This is the middle issue of the mini-series”. Hopefully there will be much bloodshed and slaughter in issue 3.

Blackest Night #5

I have enjoyed Blackest Night so far but this issue was so… anti-climactic. I mean bad enough that the villain is Nekron, a Green Lantern villain that no one has ever given a shit a bout. I mean EVER! Making Nekron the Big Bad in this is like reading a giant Batman crossover only to find out that the man behind everything was a third stringer like Signalman. This was underwhelming. I mean the art was great but story-wise, I just wanted more. Everything you expected to happen, happens and that makes for dull reading.

Well that is this week’s shipment. Overall not bad but not as much fun as last time. I love the Superman Secret Origins and there were enough firstt ime reads to leave me intrigued that I’ll stick with them for a few more issues. In 2 weeks we get a rather light shipment with only 2 books and one GIANT graphic novel volume. We follow-up my monthly plunge into Fables with issue 91 and maybe we get to see just how ruthless little Ozma can be, From there We get more fun with Power Girl #7 and the return of an old Superman villain. Finally we get the Kodansha release of Akira Volume 1. Akira is one of those things that everyone should read because it is just so mind-boggling awesome. I look forward re-reading in what may be its 3rd translation for the United States. Good times to be had by all.

On The Internet…

You Can Check Out Anytime You Like But You Can Never Leave...

I really don’t understand how or why Spam mail gets sent to me. No wait… scratch that… I know how, it is just the why. More specifically why I’ getting Spam mail from Blacksingles.com or MeetChristianSingles.net seeing as how I’m neither Black nor Christian. Honestly, isn’t there a screening process to determine if these dating sites are even sending out mail to their target audience and demographic?

The worst of the lot is Adult Friend Finder and its non-stop assault of email and full-on creepiness. Yes, I know its creepy because I surfed through it for research purposes… STRICTLY RESEARCH PURPOSES! Traipsing through AFF only confirmed what I knew already, the Internet is one seriously fucked up place to be. I mean between all the porn, homemade Youtube comedy, e-commerce and laces to illegally download music, the Internet is no place that anyone should actually spend a large amount of time on. Yet here we are right now at this second reading these ramblings. This begs the question: Just what are we, as a world society, accomplishing on the Internet?

Sure I like pornography just fine but the Internet is packed so much of it that almost every fetish/niche style of porn is on the web. In fact I’m sure NEW and DISGUSTING areas of niche porn have been developed solely because of the web. Of course this brings up the question of whether or not this is a good thing or a bad thing. I mean don’t people with less than mainstream tastes need to get their web freak on? I mean just because I’m not into midget Toilet Slavery doesn’t mean that some guy/girl/all-around weirdo isn’t. I mean everyone has needs after all and if you can’t get those needs met in your physical form, taking it to the web makes a certain amount of sense.

Kaori Yoneyama Is Totally Excited To Be On The Internet!

The exception to this rule are the freaks at NAMBLA. If you aren’t in the loop or not in the Can-Am Connection (That’s The United States and Canada, in case you were wondering) then NAMBLA really isn’t relevant to you. For the record, NAMBLA stands for the North American Man Boy Love Association or as we here at Brave Blog like to call them “The Least Popular Lobby in Congress”. I don’t care if it was good enough for the Ancient Greeks, sleeping with little boys is wrong on just so many levels. I actually had a friend try to argue in their favor with me once saying that it is just another form of Homosexuality. I pointed out the sheer incorrectness of that argument. Homosexuality and Pedophilia are 2 entirely different concepts. One deserves to have itself heard on a larger platform and be represented as a whole in society. The other is best never mentioned on this site ever again. If you have to ask which one is which then I’m sure NAMBLA will be calling you on the phone and welcoming you as a new member any moment now.

The thing is, the Internet is really the best example of a free society in motion. All groups get represented here and whether you like them or not, they are here to stay. Everyone can speak their mind or sell whatever the fuck they want via the Internet. Let’s use this blog as an example. If you Google “Brave Blog” right now, 5 other results will crop up before you get the link that will direct you to this blog. 2 weeks ago it was several pages before my thoughts and I were in the results. While I am thrilled my status in the Internet is upward, the other site you can take a look-see at include:

- The Brave And The Blog – A comic book review and discussion site
- Brave New Films Blog – A political commentary blog. I can’t determine if it is leaning left or leaning right.
- Brave New World – Topical items and views on the digitization of publishing and its content and the items that make the news. I only understood half of that

Three unrelated sites that happen to share the words Brave and Blog in their title but have fuck all to do with me. The closest you’ll get is The Brave And The Blog because it talks comics and that blog hasn’t even been updated since April. Hell I don’t think if it were active that I’d even offer up a link to it simply because there are better blogs that cover comics better. 2 of which are on the right of the screen. Speaking of that, this whole rambling about the diversity of the Internet can be examined by the links I offer up. Sure, they pretty much define me as a geek but look at the sheer cross-section of nerdery that comes across. Comic Books, Professional Wrestling and related blogs are primarily listed. Hell if I threw up a few links to some tech related sites I’d be a regular Renaissance Geek. Of course if I threw in some links to porn after that then… well I’m pretty sure WordPress would have a grand old time deleting this site.

If you take a step back from the Internet and just view scope of everything that it covers, I think you’ll see what a strange and magnificent beast it has become. It is filled with knowledge, yet also teaming with hordes and hordes of really stupid people. It is a palce where people write about their love for certain cartoon characters and others then post those same cartoon characters engaged in several acts of mutual pleasure. In the long run, the Internet is like any major city. It has its slums, it has its bad enighborhoods and even a few places to eat along the way. It even has its gated communities that make you pay extra to get inside. So what if those communities are pornographic in nature, it ain’t like the priviledged aren’t freaky-deaky behind those velvet curtains.

The Internet - Totally His Fault!

So hooray for the Internet as frightening as it may be. As a society we’ve made the damn thing almost an every day necessity. Unless you live in a Third World country, but have no worries Uruguay, we’re looking at getting you dial-up ASAP! The Internet is science fiction made science fact and we’ve got no one to blame but ourselves. We need to blame someone for turning us into these creatures that surf the web. FUCK! Could this be what H.G. Wells was really writing about in The Time Machine? Were the Morlocks a metaphor for the dangers of the Internet? No… that is just plain ridiculous. We all know who to blame this on and it is about fucking time he all gave us a huge fucking apology. I mean, we deserve it at this point!

That’s right I’m looking at you… AL GORE!